Posts Tagged ‘humor


tip: root for team

It’s the first game in a long time that I feel free to sit back, relax, and enjoy a Saturday evening. We’re firing on all 4 cylinders. We’re tackling like men. We’re not behaving like remote control voodoo zombies on offense. I’m proud of us. Notice how I have identified myself with my champions. I am one of them, an unseen force fueling the team on to grid iron glory. If I go to the bathroom on third down, they will turn the ball over. They need my psychic connection. They need my insults thrown at the opponents. They need us to break out in a round of spasmatic high fives after every touch down. They are counting on this from all the fandom.

Anyone not acquainted with the joys, rituals, and heart burn of college football is really missing out on something special. Especially women, this doesn’t have to be a dude thing. College football is better than any soap opera I’ve ever seen. Team loyalties are like feudal alligences. Colors fly like banners, mascots strut like coats of arms. The arena roars with blood hungry spectators. Bands and fight songs, roasting meat and half clad women: man this is the closest thing to barbarian left in our society. Smashing into each other with brute force, running down the field with zazz and speed. Spectacle and drama waiting to unfold every time the ball is snapped. More chicks should dig football. But I digress.

Yeah I like these blow out 28-0 at halftime rarities. In the SEC they come few and far between. They’re very good for my blood pressure. Usually my gut is twisted into knots, I’m bellowing like a crazed pirate, and my heart rate is concerning, to say the least.

I watch and I will them to win. My emotional engagement is crucial to their victory. Today they don’t seem to need me as much, so I can amp down ever so slightly. I’ll be back next week to do my part, carry the flame, scream until I have an aneurysm, what have you.

Go team!



tip: laugh early. laugh often.

Feeling a little powerless today? I know I am.  My “inalienable” rights guaranteed by the Declaration of Independence are intact, for the time being, but I feel very keenly the taking away of new hope, the possibility of innovative solutions to old problems, the pissing away of any gain or prosperity.  I feel very taken advantage of and as if something intangible has been taken from me.

But let’s focus for a moment on some things no one can take away from you.  William Wallace says “They can take away our lives, but they’ll never take our FREEDOM” (insert angry Scottish accent).   Bono says “They took your life, but they could not take your pride…..IN THE NAME OF LOVE WHAT MORE IN THE NAME OF” oh, sorry.  Whitney Houston says in her song, The Greatest Love of all that I can live as I believe and that they can’t take away my dignity. Sniff. I hate to break it to all of you, they can take your freedom, pride, and dignity, and it’s not a pretty sight. It’s fascist and it happens all over the world, and probably soon in America I fear.  BUT the good news is they can’t take away your sense of humor.  Unless the government made a decree of mandatory lobotomization for the population, you can never lose your sense of humor.  Cultivate it.  Laugh at life.  Laugh at unfairness. Laugh when you feel helpless and oppressed.  Laugh early. Laugh often. Laugh in the very face of despair.  Laugh if for no other reason no one can force you to stop laughing.  Laugh yourself into a maniacal frenzy.  I think it releases magic hormones to help you endure both the pain of life and the pain in the ass life can be at times.  Never stop laughing.  The link above features one of my favorite funny people, Tim Hawkins.  He cracks me up.

I laugh in your general direction, Government of the United States of America.  You are a joke.  A sick joke. Har har har har!

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